Hawk Talk

How To Fail A Class

Paying no attention in class, Lexi Eastburn, 11th grade, Cami Digiacomo, and Kiana East, 10th grade, spend the whole class period on their phones.

Paying no attention in class, junior Lexi Eastburn and, sophmores Kiana East and Cami Digiacomo spend the whole class period on their phones.

By Kendall Jensen

These days the world is full of articles on how to do well in school and how to succeed. But what about how to fail school and go nowhere in life?

Yeah it takes time and effort to ace all of your classes in high school, but failing every single class on your schedule can’t be a walk in the park. Below are a few carefully crafted steps and tips to achieve a report card full of F’s.

The first step to achieve failure is to not turn in any of your work. Why waste valuable napping time actually doing work in class? “School is where I catch up on my sleep, not do work,” explained senior Dean Hawkins.

The next tip is to throw away all of your textbooks, not in the trashcan, of course. Here at Viera High School we recycle using our handy blue bins. “Not having your textbooks is the perfect excuse when your mom asks you why you’re failing,” claimed 11th grader, Quenton Fontaine.

If you really want to make your teacher aggravated, Jacquie Mumford, 1oth grade, says that stealing stuff from their desks works wonders. “My dad is a teacher here and I know how much he hates it when students take things from his desk,” stated Jacquie. So go ahead, steal that stapler, and you will be on your fast track to failure.

The most fool-proof and concrete way to ensure failure is to just not show up to class. “If all else fails, just don’t show up to class and there is no way you will pass that class,” joked 10th grader Cami Digiacomo.

All of the above tips are guaranteed to get you an F, SO DO NOT FOLLOW ANY OF THEM. Stay in school, get good grades, and go far in life fellow VHS students.

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This entry was posted on February 20, 2014 by .
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